Happy (Not Yet) Mother's Day!

Mother's Day is just around the corner - and for so many people it's a time to celebrate the incredible gift of raising up another generation. There is so much love, thankfulness, fun, and joy that comes with being a mom. Hugs, kisses, family outings, snuggles, and little fingerprints that cover parts of a home that you didn't know could even get fingerprints. It's a day to celebrate my own mom - and my mother-in-law and the incredible women they are and how much they are loved.

And yet for many people - more than we really know about - Mother's Day is a day of grief. It's a day where some women are reminded of what they do not have yet, but so desperately long for. Or it may be a reminder of what was taken away from them.

I am one of those people - the one that has dreaded Mother's Day because it's a reminder of what my husband and I do not yet have. Infertility has affected our family and it's a long, tiring, exhausting, and lonely road to walk. It's never a circumstance you think your family will be in, and yet here we are. There is such an emotional rollercoaster that comes with the course of trying to have a baby - happiness, sadness, anger, grief, and emotional stress. You see another baby announcement and are so hurt that it's not you. Another shower invitation comes in the mail, and you smile and go to support a friend but end up crying all the way home. That's real life friends - celebrating a day for moms, when your heart craves that so badly - is so hard. And especially when you feel like since you were really little you've been designed to be a mom, and here you still sit, in the waiting.

And yet, there's a blessing in the day as well. Through the hard and exhausting times my husband and I have grown incredibly close as we've been the only people there for each other through the ugliness that comes with infertility. It's grown our faith in substantial ways individually and as a couple, as we believe in His faithfulness even when it's not on our timeline.  It's brought us to tears and to our knees more times that we can count. It's even stretched our idea of parenthood and the types of parents we want to be someday - we know without a doubt that we are meant to be parents. Adoption, medical intervention, or a miracle that God allows - we are so ready to be parents. And we will be incredible parents - we believe that without a doubt. We just are not sure who we will get to be parents to yet. We're not sure who's little hands we'll hold, cheeks we'll kiss, boo-boos we'll make go away, or who's snuggles we'll get to enjoy.  We're not sure if we'll love boys, girls, or both - and if if they'll dance, play football, or be musical. However, I do know that our journey has been a constant reminder that I am not in control of my own life - no matter how hard I try to be in control. And yet, God still sees me. He sees the hurt that we are going through. He knows the desires of our heart. He wants to (and will) grant us the desires of our heart - just not on our timeline. He doesn't see time the way we do, and has total control of the situation we are enduring. And I just have to let it go. I have to believe that He has our best in mind. That He has our babies planned for us - they are just not ours yet. And this is just not my Mother's Day - yet.

I don't understand why I'm not a mom yet. The timing doesn't make sense to me. I feel like I'm so ready - that we are so ready. My body aches to be a mommy. So why am I still waiting?
Someday, I may know that answer - or maybe not. Someday, I'll understand why we went through our trial - or maybe not. Someday, I'll understand why our babies had to wait to be ours. But for today, I'll do my best to rest in the comfort of knowing that someday, someday, I will be a mom. That I will get to experience that unconditional love that comes with being a mom. That I'll get to watch my husband be an incredible father and love on our babies that I can't yet understand or fathom. That we will be parents. And when that day comes, it'll mean so much more to me. I'll be the realization of God's faithfulness, His perfect timing, and His unfailing love. The wait is hard, so hard friends. But the reward is so much better.

So, to my mom and mother-in-law - Happy Mother's Day! We love you and the people you've raised us to be!

To moms everywhere, hug your babies a little more.  Give lots of hugs, kisses, laugh a lot, and snuggle more. Be thankful for them often - even in the oh so difficult times.

To those who have lost babies, I am so so sorry. There are no words to heal your pain. But God still sees you, and knows you're pain. Keep holding onto that hope.

And to those who like me still wait for their babies, find comfort in His peace and stay the course. Press on and never give up. Keep asking, and be ready for His faithfulness.

And to our future babies - we can't wait to meet you!

Teacher Gifts & Back to School

The back to school craziness has finally caught up to me - and I have neglected my blog.  BUT today I shall let you know all about my co-worker back to school gifts, and few quick little planning clips I made on spur of the moment, and my plan for the new year.  School starts tomorrow for us - and I haven't thought about school all weekend.  My mother and father-in-law have been in town this weekend and while the men have been doing "home projects" like putting up tons of shelves in the garage and hanging up our bedroom lights, my mother-in-law and I have been shopping and reading outside because it has been gorgeous.

Today I finally went up to school to finish up my plans for the week and then came home to get my house in order. The husband is at a Fantasy Football draft so I'm busy reading blogs, WRITING blogs, and doing some creating. :)

I work with some of the best teachers in the district.  Not only is my school second to none but I work with 4 of the best first grade teachers.  They are so caring for our students and really seeking to make their year great.  They give up so much of their time that I wanted to start our year off with a little gift that we all got to "share" in a sense.  I saw Farley over at Oh Boy Fourth Grade post a picture of the teacher gifts she gives her sons teacher and decided I needed to make them for my team. So I grabbed some chalkboard paint, white paint pens (a fat tip and a small tip) and a wooden letter for each of my coworkers.


I spray painted them them, let them dry, and then wrote their last names on them along with a "Mrs" or "Miss" I then added some little colored ribbon to hang from a door.  The cool thing about this gift is it literally only cost me around 1.50 a person - it was really cheap and when you go to Hobby Lobby with a 40% off coupon on your phone or when they are 50% off, you really save big.  The only thing that was over $5.00 was the chalkboard paint but it got me 9 letters.  I made not only some for my team but for our instructional coach, a 3rd grade teacher, another first grade teacher at a different school, and our former Literacy In Action surgery that I will miss dearly. We all decided to hang them from our small windows in our classroom with a command hook and it looks so cool walking down the hallway and seeing the same "thing" as you look in the windows.  I also added some cute little candy containers with their names on them filled with their little candy because lets be honest - every teacher needs some candy that first week right?

The Twix and Reeses were a little hard to get into these milk cartons but it looked too cute to give up.  The stickers are Chalkboard Vinyl Stickers from Hobby Lobby and the Milk Cartons are from the same place.  I went to Hobby Lobby multiple times a week this summer to get inspiration - crafting is my "release" and a really fun thing for me to do.
I then just decorated some bags that came in a pack of 10 filled with different color tissue paper and a "quote" that really was singled for each person. Let me just say that my coworkers and friends LOVED them.  Such a simple gesture that they all adored. It's never too late to give your coworkers some small token of appreciation to let them know how much you like working with them and what a difference they make in your work day!

While my hubs and I were running around town a few weekends ago I got the quick thinking idea to make some clothespin clips to make my planning and organization way better and more time efficient - because, as teachers we don't have time in the day to sort through papers all the time. I just picked up some clothespins from the dollar store, used the wash tape I already had, and then laminated some clothespin bubbles I made.

I just put some wash tape on the clothespins and then hot glued the laminated pieces of paper onto the clothespins. I've already used them getting ready for the first week and they have been so easy.  I just simply write with a Vis-a-Vis or dry erase marker on the bubble the number of copies that I need.  I made different versions - some are for laminating, some or for copying/cutting, etc.  I was going to do a little "beginning of the year" blog post, but after reading what I read last year, I figured it still sums up my ideas perfectly.  You can read that blog over here - it's full of my hopes and dreams for the beginning of the year. At the bottom if says "Here's to 2014-2015" but I"ll just change that to 2015-2016.

"Although my alarm will come too soon, my coffee won't be in my cup soon enough, my butterflies will be going crazy, my heart is full of love for the kiddos that I haven't yet "fully" met.  My heart is full because Jesus has given me such a passion - my heart is full because this is going to be a great year."

Blog Hoppin: Day 1

Today was our first day back at work - teachers and open house. Whew! What a whirlwind of a day.  I'm thankful to be home and blogging a bit, and doing a fantasy football draft while watching some Bachelor in Paradise.  It was a great first day back and to meet all my little firsties - I think I already remember all their names!

We have the rest of the week filled with meetings and PD and somewhere in there we're suppose to fit planning of the first week.  Wish me luck!

I'm linking up with Blog Hoppin for their Teacher Week!

Number One

Ryan and I grew up together when we were little - we went to the same church, same youth group, he was just a few years older than me and definitely in the cool crowd.  We never actually were really close friends until he moved away to college, and then in his final year of high school we got closer.  I started crushing when I was a junior and it's all kind of a high school sweetheart news from there. 

This was actually one of the first pictures we took together when we first started officially dating.  Mind you, our courting (if you want to call it that) process took 3 or so months. I was pretty preoccupied by softball at the time and Ryan had just moved back home from college for the summer.  Mind you, after we started dating I knew pretty quickly that he was the one I'd spend the rest of my life with.  Took some convincing on his part, but we're 3 years in and I think I'll keep him.  I'm so thankful that I really devoted and gave our relationship over to Christ so that we could grow apart first, and then came together at just the right time.

Number Two

I played softball my WHOLE life.  My dad was a coach for almost my whole years of softball playing as well.  I started as a 6 year old in tee-ball and never missed a summer after that. My dad was a pitching coach, but he always told my sister and I to make sure we tried every position before we committed.  My sister ended up being a first basemen and didn't end up enjoying softball as much as I did, but I followed my pops and became a pitcher.  I loved it when I did it.  Lots of pressure, lots of excitement, it was great.  Sometimes I miss those days.

Number Three

I knew I wanted to be a teacher since I was in the 2nd grade.  I even knew I wanted to teach first grade.  I shifted and even argued with God for long hours when I was in middle and high school because I knew of the commitment that I'd be putting on my life by being a teacher.  We were in North Carolina when I felt the true calling again and had to stop arguing with God.  Never changed my mind after that - committed to a Elementary Education degree my first year as a freshman and never strayed from it.  I love going to work everyday and know it's exactly where I'm suppose to be.

Number Four

I have been to Fiji!  The first time I went out of the country was in college with Ryan and we went to Mexico.  Ryan planned the honeymoon and surprised me the day we left for it.  All I knew was that it was tropical - and he let it slip in the hotel room that we were going to Fiji.  

 We took a 10 hour plane ride ( and it was horrible) from LA.  Sleeping in a plane sitting up is not ideal. When we arrived it Fiji it was the next morning - but we basically skipped a day with the timezones. But once we got there it was so beautiful.  The water was crystal clear and our resort had a coral reef all around it.  We snorkeled almost every single day. I'd go back in a heartbeat.  It was the most romantic and relaxing time on the beach.  And it was super warm so even better. :)

Number Five

I'm actually a pretty shy person at first.  In high school I had quite a few friends but in college I started to realize how more introverted I was.  so, I'm way more of a close friend type of person.  Once I really open up to people I really start to trust them, and it's really hard for me to not become quite good friends with them.  I stick my neck out for a lot of people.  I have 3 really close girl friends, and consider myself to have 2 best guy friends - number on including the hubs.

Link up with the people over at Blog Hoppin or each day the rest of the week to learn more about each other! Here's to 2015!