Mother's Day is just around the corner - and for so many people it's a time to celebrate the incredible gift of raising up another generation. There is so much love, thankfulness, fun, and joy that comes with being a mom. Hugs, kisses, family outings, snuggles, and little fingerprints that cover parts of a home that you didn't know could even get fingerprints. It's a day to celebrate my own mom - and my mother-in-law and the incredible women they are and how much they are loved.
And yet for many people - more than we really know about - Mother's Day is a day of grief. It's a day where some women are reminded of what they do not have yet, but so desperately long for. Or it may be a reminder of what was taken away from them.
I am one of those people - the one that has dreaded Mother's Day because it's a reminder of what my husband and I do not yet have. Infertility has affected our family and it's a long, tiring, exhausting, and lonely road to walk. It's never a circumstance you think your family will be in, and yet here we are. There is such an emotional rollercoaster that comes with the course of trying to have a baby - happiness, sadness, anger, grief, and emotional stress. You see another baby announcement and are so hurt that it's not you. Another shower invitation comes in the mail, and you smile and go to support a friend but end up crying all the way home. That's real life friends - celebrating a day for moms, when your heart craves that so badly - is so hard. And especially when you feel like since you were really little you've been designed to be a mom, and here you still sit, in the waiting.
And yet, there's a blessing in the day as well. Through the hard and exhausting times my husband and I have grown incredibly close as we've been the only people there for each other through the ugliness that comes with infertility. It's grown our faith in substantial ways individually and as a couple, as we believe in His faithfulness even when it's not on our timeline. It's brought us to tears and to our knees more times that we can count. It's even stretched our idea of parenthood and the types of parents we want to be someday - we know without a doubt that we are meant to be parents. Adoption, medical intervention, or a miracle that God allows - we are so ready to be parents. And we will be incredible parents - we believe that without a doubt. We just are not sure who we will get to be parents to yet. We're not sure who's little hands we'll hold, cheeks we'll kiss, boo-boos we'll make go away, or who's snuggles we'll get to enjoy. We're not sure if we'll love boys, girls, or both - and if if they'll dance, play football, or be musical. However, I do know that our journey has been a constant reminder that I am not in control of my own life - no matter how hard I try to be in control. And yet, God still sees me. He sees the hurt that we are going through. He knows the desires of our heart. He wants to (and will) grant us the desires of our heart - just not on our timeline. He doesn't see time the way we do, and has total control of the situation we are enduring. And I just have to let it go. I have to believe that He has our best in mind. That He has our babies planned for us - they are just not ours yet. And this is just not my Mother's Day - yet.
I don't understand why I'm not a mom yet. The timing doesn't make sense to me. I feel like I'm so ready - that we are so ready. My body aches to be a mommy. So why am I still waiting?
Someday, I may know that answer - or maybe not. Someday, I'll understand why we went through our trial - or maybe not. Someday, I'll understand why our babies had to wait to be ours. But for today, I'll do my best to rest in the comfort of knowing that someday, someday, I will be a mom. That I will get to experience that unconditional love that comes with being a mom. That I'll get to watch my husband be an incredible father and love on our babies that I can't yet understand or fathom. That we will be parents. And when that day comes, it'll mean so much more to me. I'll be the realization of God's faithfulness, His perfect timing, and His unfailing love. The wait is hard, so hard friends. But the reward is so much better.
So, to my mom and mother-in-law - Happy Mother's Day! We love you and the people you've raised us to be!
To moms everywhere, hug your babies a little more. Give lots of hugs, kisses, laugh a lot, and snuggle more. Be thankful for them often - even in the oh so difficult times.
To those who have lost babies, I am so so sorry. There are no words to heal your pain. But God still sees you, and knows you're pain. Keep holding onto that hope.
And to those who like me still wait for their babies, find comfort in His peace and stay the course. Press on and never give up. Keep asking, and be ready for His faithfulness.
And to our future babies - we can't wait to meet you!
No comments:
Post a Comment